On Thursday I have a workshop on Professional Development at Penland School of Crafts. I’m looking forward to it, albeit a little nervous, too. But a good nervous. I’ve been working slowly but surely on painting my studio and revamping my website. Squeezing in a little art here and there, but also blocked by my own negative thinking.
My sister came over on Saturday, and it was nice for her and Walker to come out and see us. We snacked on raspberries and mulled over how we want to do too much, as in everything. We’ve only got this life, so far as we are conscious of anyway, and for me there are raspberries to grow, and potatoes and garlic, plus the fall garden; and goats to raise, and chickens; there’s two houses and one studio to maintain; there’s children to raise, and homeschool; there’s art to paint, and poems to write, and a website with which to share it all…the list goes on, really, but the point is that it gets overwhelming. And that’s what I’ve been lately–overwhelmed, and stressed about it all. And so I’ve been trying to sort out how it is that I’m supposed to do all this stuff and actually feel good about it, instead of feeling like I’m constantly not getting anything done.
Yesterday I had a little epiphany. It seems like this always happens, if I’ll just relax enough to let an answer come through. I remember reading somewhere how the mind can conjure up an experience. If you just let your mind delve into that memory or imagining, then at least according to a brain scan it’s like you are experiencing the real deal. So I’ve been chewing on that. Chewing on uncontradicted thought. Trying to practice that. Reclaiming the joy of being alive. I’m not quite there, but I’m on my way to that space, and it feels good.