So I live in a dry county. No, that does not mean I live in a desert, it means I live in the Bible Belt. I’m still not sure where in the bible it says, "Thou shall not drinketh," nor would I care even if it did, BUT lots of bible-thumpin’ folks that have lived in these mountains for ages are definitely wanting to stick with their Prohibition roots. Never mind that heritage of moonshine. All the shiners were punished with horrible deaths for the sin of drinkething.
However! The big town (big is definitely relative here) one county over, all of which was also dry, has just voted to sell alcohol. It’s the talk of the town. Anyway, I picked this up off the opinion page of a local news web site (for our am radio station)–and it is just too hilarious to not share:
Well we got progress now. I’m so glad that this town has decided to put our children, the future of this town at risk. The only progress we have now is the jump in drunk driving offences, and drinking related deaths. Thank you Spruce Pine for putting my soon tobe driving children at risk. That’s what I call progress. Progress is not in a bottle, but it is in the Bible. May God have mercy on your vote and spare our children from harm. I pray that God gives me the strength when I get a knock on my door or a phone call, late in the evening, that my child is hurt, or worse. The blood of innocent is on your hands. Thanks for your so called progress. As far as more jobs for our county, webb’s funeral home might have more jobs available to handle in increase in sales, so I guess that will help our economy. Our daughters may get jobs as pole dancers, that will help the economy. What’s next for our town an adult book store? I have a vote for our town, let’s vote to change the name of our town from Spruce pine to Sodom and Gomorrah
I personally think an adult book store would give Spruce Pine some flavor. And my daughter could make bank as a pole dancer. She needs a job!